


The Story of the Short-Lived Flarping Career of Nepeta Leijon

by TeamTired



Series: The 120 Pairing Challenge [22]
Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: Ashen Romance | Auspistice, Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, F/F, Flarp, Flushed Romance | Matesprits
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-31
Updated: 2012-08-04
Packaged: 2017-11-11 02:54:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/473703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeamTired/pseuds/TeamTired
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Though Equius forbade Nepeta from playing Flarp, her curiosity got the better of her. After playing a number of scrimmages against Team Charge, her and Eridan think themselves ready for the big leagues, but a fatal misstep could mean the end of Nepeta, or at least the start of a black romance between herself and her spidery opponent.</p><p>Later, Nepeta falls for her elegant rescuer and Kanaya pays a vengeful visit to the villain Vriska.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Nepeta cracked her knuckles and sent a message the way of her co-player, just to confirm his readiness. As she double checked her equipment for the night, her computer sounded the receipt of her teammember’s response. Eridan claimed he was “ready for wwhatevver terezi has in store”, but at usual, Nepeta figured he was just bluffing. He kept claiming he was on track to uncover some sort of “ancient ancestral treasure”, but until then, Nepeta’s elevated Echeladder from her hunting days was basically carrying the team. Regretfully, that wouldn’t do much for tonight session, as she was clouding. 

As she connected her tablet to the game grub, the image of a new troll’s hive and the surrounding area materialized. As she scrolled around, she recognized her moirail’s hive in the distance, which would mean she was clouding the ever-infamous Vriska Serket tonight. The thought of her moirail made her feel guilty. Of course she was sure Equius had good reason to forbid her from the “udder l00dness of Flarping, she certainly hadn’t seen it yet. The scrimmages her and Eridan had run against Team Charge had been fun and nowhere near lifethreatening, and Nepeta was a little anxious to play against another team, but she figured that it was was Team Adorabloodthirsty needed to grow. 

Her camera locked onto Vriska, who was decked in the full pirate regalia of her character, Marquise Spinneret Mindfang. As Nepeta checked her stats, she had to do a double take just to make sure those numbers were correct. Though Nepeta knew that bluebloods had higher physicals than most other lowerblooded trolls, it was Vriska’s luck statistic that was positively appalling. In theory, the luck statistic should never exceed a few percent, otherwise it would start influencing the game in unpredictable and potentially dangerous ways, at least that was what Aradia had taught Nepeta. 

Nepeta took a minute to calculate an appropriate encounter for Vriska and deployed the monsters she had stored in her bestial registry. After that, she located a nearby cave and contacted Vriska for the start of the campaign. This was Nepeta’s favorite part of the game: role playing the part of the wise and all powerful cloud cat, who directed and challenged heroes from on high. 

She couldn’t keep herself from smiling as she typed out the campaign information for Vriska. Though some players saw Flarp as an inherently competitive game, Nepeta couldn’t ignore the potential for communal storytelling and missions that benefitted everyone. She thought it was just more fun that way. 

But she was in for a surprise. 

Like most of her campaigns, Nepeta’s mission for tonight surrounded around the quest for the mythical Fountain of Cute. Though she had been told time and again that the Foundtian was nothing more than a fairy tale for wrigglers, she knew that Flarp tended to direct players to real treasure hidden on Alternia, and she figured that maybe one day if her and her players looked for it enough, Flarp might actually send somebody there. 

Her instructions submitted to Vriska and her monsters primed, Nepeta sat back and waited for a response from her player. 

\-- arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling arsenicCatnip [AC] \--

AG: Heyyyyyyyy there clouder!!!!!!!!  
AG: I gotta admit this campaign you drafted here is pretty damn 8oring.  
AG: This is honestly wriggler shit here, come on.  
AG: I mean what are you going to have me fight, some weakass chimeras, maybe a manticore or two????????  
AG: You know I’m farrrrrrrr too excellent for easy stuff.

Nepeta consulted her mission plan. The final boss was a chimera, the highest level monster she had access to, and something that should be a significant challenge, even for a player of Vriska’s level. Something was seriously wrong here, unless Vriska was just trying to psyche her out...

AC: :33 < well i cant tell you of course!  
AC: :33 < but just play along vriska, we can have some fun!  
AG: Oh don’t worry, I get plenty of fun out of showing terribly clouders why they should stop playing Flarp and leave the game to competent trolls. 

With that, Vriska stowed her computing device and lept into action, following the trail of monsters and clues that her GAMING FLAPSTRACTIONS had formed. Now it was Nepeta’s job to make sure the monsters behaved realistically and to lead the player on. Usually, Tavros and Aradia played along with the complex romantic subplots scattered through the game, but Vriska was ignoring them, focusing entirely on the monsters. As Nepeta’s eyes tracked Vriska moving through the landscape, everything seemed totally normal. Her attacks were doing fairly normal damage, save for an unusual number of critical hits, and she was taking hits, though most of them were mitigated by her extremely high dodge stat. Vriska was right about one thing, clouding her would certainly be a challenge.

AG: Hey moron, you wasted half your resources on stupid puzzle 8ats!”

Nepeta was indignant, and Vriska was gaining speed, moving through the field of monsters with far more ease than was normal. As she moved towards Nepeta’s mountain troll, she deployed a curious set of dice from her Strife Specibus, which came with their own ominous glow. When Vriska threw the dice, Nepeta was momentarily blinded by a score of tables and and subsequent attack. After the glow had subsided, the troll was in pieces, totally slain after one attack. Whatever Vriska had just done, it was far stronger than anything Nepeta had ever seen before.  
Her bestial registry deployed again, Nepeta prepared a second set of monsters that had become available after the game detected how easily Vriska was clearing the enemies. That was fine for Nepeta. There was nothing wrong with ratcheting up the difficulty if the player needed it, and it could certainly make things more fun for the clouder and the player!

As the new monsters materialized before Vriska, Nepeta could see her opponent was smiling. Vriska leapt towards the first monster: a lesser flamebeast. As she threw the dice forward, the familiar routine repeated itself. This time, the monster was covered in a mountain of a fluffy white cream, which exploded on contact. Vriska paused only momentarily to collect her dice before throwing them at the next opponent: a giant metal bull. Though the bull puffed a gas towards Vriska that should have paralyzed her, Nepeta watched helplessly as Vriska’s luck stat allowed her to practically ignore the attack, and with another throw of the ice, the bull was vanquished with a pile of strange puppets. 

For the rest of the night, nothing changed much. Nepeta’s monsters all met strange and deadly ends at the hands of Vriska’s magic dice, and Vriska remained uncathced. Though Nepeta accessed stronger and stronger categories of monsters, it didn’t seem to matter at all. Vriska was potentially the best there was. The initial final boss had been replaced by a twelve-headed cold breathing hydra, but Vriska simply dodged every burst of fire and when the time came to roll her dice, the resulting attack was a storm of acid-covered daggers, which put the beast to rest with no difficulty at all. 

Nepeta didn’t know whether to be angry or impressed, and settled on stunned. She was certain that Vriska was cheating, some way or another. A confrontation with that hydra at her level should have killed her, no questions asked, but Vriska remained smug, with not even a trace of damage to speak of. 

Vriska infuriatingly concluded the session by flipping her pirate hate into the air and taunting Nepeta one last time.

AG: Don’t worry mighty cat in the clouds, I’m not neaaaaaaaarly as lame as you are, so when I cloud you, it’ll be a challenge, I promise!

Nepeta began to visibly sweat. She didn’t have to play again, naturally. She could set her tablet down right here and now, and purrsue other avenues of roleplaying, less dangerous avenues. Logically, Vriska had some sort of hold on this game, and it was clear that there was no way to beat her. If Nepeta went into a game that Vriska was clouding, there was no guarantee of survival. 

But of course, that was in the realm of the logical, which had never been Nepeta’s strong suit. In her heart, she began to hate Vriska with a passion she didn’t know she had in her. Vriska had ridiculed her writing, insulted her clouding, and blatantly cheated, and she had to be taught a lesson. In her mind, Nepeta resolved to find some way to destroy Vriska the next time she was clouding. 

But first, Nepeta would have to complete the chain. Before Nepeta could cloud for Vriska again, she would have to give Eridan a turn to cloud and be clouded by Vriska, while she took on Terezi, and then she would have to run whatever incredibly deadly gauntlet Vriska prepared for her. Only then could she seek her revenge. 

Before Nepeta collapsed into the welcoming arms of sleep that night, she messaged Eridan, who had been uncharacteristically silent during their match. 

\-- arsenicCatnip [AC] began trolling caligulasAquarium [CA] \--

AC: :33 < hey eridan  
AC: :33 < how did your game go?  
CA: hey nep  
CA: it wwas fine, nothin special  
CA: i mean tz writes some tough puzzles but her monsters are shit  
AC: :33 < oh okay! good to know for when i go up against her  
AC: :33 < but vriska was really tough to cloud :((  
AC: :33 < it was like she just ignored all the monsters i threw up against her!  
CA: oh yeah thats usually how things go with her  
CA: i usually just make my missions a cakewwalk anywway for her cause then she has less points to spend on me  
AC: :33 < what do you mean?  
CA: oh wwell like since this wwas the first match against this team for us you twwo clouders set the maxiumum points for next time  
CA: that wway its fair  
CA: she starts wwith as many resources as you used  
AC: :33 < what  
AC: :33 < eridan i spent millions of resource points fighting her!  
CA: oh wwoww that wwas a really bad idea  
AC: :33 < well how do you survive her cloudings?  
CA: wwell she and i kinda havve a personal campaign wwhere we go sailin and shit  
CA: an i kinda turn on the charm and she takes enough pity on me that i survvivve  
AC: :33 < oh  
AC: :33 < okay  
AC: :33 < i have a lot to do then

\-- arsenicCatnip [AC] ceased trolling caligulasAquarium [CA] \-- 

In the week before the next Flarp game, Nepeta read all that she could from Aradia’s books on the game, hoping to gain some understanding of the rules that had eluded her. But as the hours dragged on, she found no clues and learned no lessons. Perhaps it was her newfound hate for Vriska that clouded her vision. 

The game between Terezi and Nepeta went much as Eridan promised. Terezi preferred puzzles and riddles to monsters, mostly because it meant regardless of her opponent’s stats, she had an advantage. It was a way of turning the tables, to an extent. Thankfully, Terezi also enjoyed role playing quite a bit, and with enough clever in character quips, Nepeta was able to score quite a few bonus points, easily passing through Terezi’s clouding without any more than a few bruises from some traps and a brain filled with new riddles. 

As Nepeta was traveling back to her cave from her mission with Terezi, she almost forgot the problem of Vriska. But by the time she collapsed in her cave, she could feel the weight of her upcoming challenge against Vriska weighing down on her shoulders. Though she knew she could probably go to Equius for help, even though he told her not to play the game, she wouldn’t. Her vendetta against Vriska had cooled like steel fresh from the fire, and it was thirsty for blood. 

As the sun set on the deep Alternian jungle and Nepeta rose to catch herself breakfast, all she could think of was her hatred for Vriska. She hated every exquisite detail of her. But this was not the sort of hate that preserves an opponent and delights in the chase. This was the sort of hate that sought only the painful demise of Vriska Serket. Nepeta was convinced that she had to defeat Vriska or she would die. 

She was probably right. 

When it was Nepeta’s turn to cloud Terezi, she decided to take a break from her cycle of training and obsession with vengeance and survival just to have a little fun. Terezi herself generated a new character just to play with Nepeta. As she showed off the costume to Nepeta, she couldn’t help but be impressed. The match with Terezi lasted longer than most the other matches Nepeta had played, mostly because Nepeta had so much fun. 

As the match drew to a close, Terezi had failed to find the Fountain of Cute, just like every player before her, but she had managed to defeat every monster and solve every puzzle Nepeta had placed before her with time, and unlike the game with Vriska, everything was civil and totally enjoyable. Before Nepeta logged off for the night, she decided to talk to Terezi to see if she had any advice for dealing with Vriska. 

\-- arsenicCatnip [AC] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC] \--

AC: :33 < *ac pounces on the mighty dragons tail, hoping to get a chance to talk to her before she goes to rest her mighty dragon eyes!*  
GC: “H3Y TH3R3 M1GHTY PURRB34ST!” TH3 M1GHTY DR4GON SHOUTS  
GC: WH4TS UP  
AC: :33 < i wanted to thank you for playing with me tonight  
AC: :33 < that was a lot of fun!  
AC: :33 < but the thing is  
AC: :33 < well i kind of n33d a big favor  
GC: Y34H?  
AC: :33 < im really purrvous about my game with vriska next w33k  
GC: PURRVOUS?  
AC: :33 < nervous*  
AC: :33 < sorry the puns get out of paw when im worried  
AC: :33 < anyway i kinda overdid it against vriska when we first met because she was so infuriatingly strong!  
AC: :33 < and im worried that she might take advantage of that  
AC: :33 < and i dont really think i can take it  
AC: :33 < but more importantly, i n33d to beat her!  
GC: 1S TH4T R1GHT?  
AC: :33 < she is awful and n33ds to be taken down a peg!  
GC: W3LL 1 MUST R3M1ND YOU TH4T THOUGH 1 M4Y 4GR33  
GC: 1 4M ST1LL H4LF OF TH3 SCOURG3 S1ST3RS  
GC: 4ND SUCH 4 POS1T1ON C4RR13S C3RT41N LOY4LT13S  
AC: :33 < well i understand that of course  
AC: :33 < i suppose i just n33d to know  
AC: :33 < has vriska ever gone so overboard that she killed anybody?  
GC: 1 WOULD NOT C4LL CULL1NG TH3 GU1LTY OV3RBO4RD  
GC: BUT 1 C4N 4SSUR3 YOU TH4T 1 DO NOT B3L13V3 4NY OF TH3 TROLLS W3VE S3NT3NC3ED W3R3 1NNOC3NT  
GC: DO3S TH4T H3LP?  
AC: :33 < a little bit, thanks terezi  
AC: :33 < *ac gratefully nibbles the mighty dragons ear and gracefully jumps away, retreating to her cave for a much n33ded sl33p*  
AC: :33 < bye terezi!  
GC: GOODBY3 N3P3T4

\-- arsenicCatnip [AC] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC] \--

That night, Nepeta’s dreams were haunted by a massive spider, who wormed its way into every crevice it could find. No matter how far Nepeta ran or how well she hid, the spider was always one step ahead. When the spider finally caught her, its painful bite immobilized her, but Nepeta was left with feeling. For the next few hours of the dream, the spider consumed her slowly, making sure she felt every moment of her organs turning to slush. When Nepeta awoke from her dream, she shuddered when she thought of how much worse the dream could have been had she not been nestled in sopor slime. 

When the day to face her demon finally came, Nepeta was calm. As she watched her game grub squirm with the session’s bats, she knew that in another few minutes, it would all become impossible to to take back. She could walk away now, and nobody important would think anything less of her. She knew Vriska could and would cheat, and at best Vriska still had far more resource points than Nepeta could safely deal with. 

But Nepeta steeled her nerves. She couldn’t take it back now, her pride wouldn’t let her. And more importantly, Vriska was more than just another troll now, she was an enemy. And enemies had to be taught lessons, that much Nepeta knew. 

As the FLAPSTRACTIONS burst from the belly of the grub, the game had officially begun. Nepeta had equipped her best gear, composed of a combination of hunting tools and weapons and some armor she cobbled together with help from Eridan and Terezi. Her armor didn’t slow her movement any, but it could make the difference between a few lethal hits and living to fight another day. 

Before the challenges started, she had two messages to send. She knew she couldn’t do this alone, and she had long ago abandoned the sentiments of fair play and the merits of making it on her own. If she wanted to live to get her sweet sweet revenge, she would have to do whatever it took, and that meant involving her team’s clouder. Though Eridan couldn’t do much, the right allocation of resources at the right time could gum up Vriska’s plans enough to give Nepeta a sorely needed edge. 

\-- arsenicCatnip [AC] began trolling caligulasAquarium [CA] \--

AC: :33 < listen up  
AC: :33 < this is important and you know it  
AC: :33 < if things go south you will help me  
AC: :33 < if you fail to k33p me alive  
AC: :33 < an automated notice will be posted to equius blaming you for all this  
AC: :33 < and after he strangles Vriska to death  
AC: :33 < he will make you wish you were her instead  
AC: :33 < do you understand?  
CA: holy shit nep i dunno wwhy youre so serious all the sudden  
CA: just a fuckin game  
CA: but yeah my shits all set up just say the wword and ill send wwhat i go  
AC: :33 < good 

\-- arsenicCatnip [AC] ceased trolling caligulasAquarium [CA] \--

Now came the final verbal barb towards her nemesis. Though this would give her no tactical advantage, there was something to be said for the pre-battle sparring. It was romantic in a very black way, and it helped keep Nepeta’s spirits up.

\-- arsenicCatnip [AC] began trolling arachnidsGrip [AG] \--

AC: :33 < hey 8itch!!!!!!!!  
AC: :33 < youre going down :33 

\-- arsenicCatnip [AC] ceased trolling arachnidsGrip [AG] \--

She had worked on that one for the past two weeks, and saying it made her feel totally and utterly vindicated. 

It was another two minutes before hell came to Nepeta’s corner of the jungle. Without warning, just after Nepeta’s STAT BAT attached itself to her, the rest of the FLAPSTRATIONS flew off. Nepeta had to shield herself because of the sheer volume of the swarm, more bats were flying out of the swollen grub than she had thought possible. It was obvious that Vriska was playing serious, and that was okay. So was she. 

Blocking her cave were the first of what she imagined were a nigh infinite number of monsters, defiling her precious hunting grounds. Though in most campaigns she’d be looking for clues or recieving instructions right about now, she knew better than to expect that from Vriska. With Vriska, it was hack and slash, all the way to the bank. 

As Nepeta sank her claws into the first two hazy enemies, she felt the insubstantial static of their bodies yield to her cold metal. When she retreated, they exploded in a shower of sparks, so far so good. 

When she stepped outside into the wilderness, she realized what a mistake she had made staying near her hive for the game. Though she knew every inch of her grounds for miles, she was by no means omniscient, and she knew that monsters would naturally lurk in every nook and cranny for the next few miles, ready to pounce. At some point she would make a misstep, Vriska was counting on that. 

Nepeta took to the trees, opting to get a better view of the hazy army Vriska had deployed. From there, Nepeta began her work, systematically attacking the enemies from above. At first, they were only slightly over her level, and an abuse of the rules on falling damage and sneak attacks from above were enough to get the damage bonuses she needed to kill them almost instantly, but it didn’t stay that way for long. As time stretched on, Nepeta could almost feel Vriska silently turning up the dials of difficulty, deploying stronger and stronger monsters as time went on. 

Thankfully, Nepeta had grace and strength in spades, and even as the monsters grew stronger she still stood a chance. What she had not counted on was how badly the counterattacks would hurt. With the transition from one-hit kills to full drawn out battles came the unpleasant sensation of the hazy static claws ripping their way straight to her. Each monster delivered its payload in a different way, some bit, some stung, some simply punched, but every single one hurt, and came with the additional electric jolt only a game abstract could provide. 

Nepeta cleared them all, however, surprising herself. Her work with Terezi had awarded her a number of levels, and the home field advantage was not to be discounted. Overall, Nepeta somehow felt like she had some sort of chance, however minute. 

Then came the silence before the storm. For a minute, Nepeta almost tricked herself into thinking that it was over, that Vriska would simply lie down and accept defeat.

And then she heard the tramping of a beast making its way straight towards her. Its screams were muffled and static, just like everything produced by Flarp, but Nepeta’s sharp ears could pick out twelve distinct voices, all shrieking in unison for her blood. 

Of course it would be the beast that she had challenged Vriska with. Nepeta’s hubris would certainly not go unpunished in the most dramatically ironic way possible. She would be done in by her own lack of self control. 

As she moved carefully through the brush of the jungle, she plotted her potential avenues of attack. A head on confrontation was necessarily sucicidal, but if she could pick off the heads one by one, retreating between attacks, perhaps she could slice an impossible encounter into twelve suicidally difficult encounters instead. 

But when she stood up to get into position, she felt an odd paralytic sensation creep over her body, freezing her in place. Whatever held her body was neither cold nor hot, it was simply the absence of control, as if an unseen puppeteer had wrested her will completely. 

It smelled suspiciously like cheating, but there was naturally nothing she could do now but try to fight it.  
She tried everything she could think of to regain control of her body. Years of honing her body to physical perfection had given her an edge that she imagined few of Vriska’s other victims enjoyed. Though she remained rooted in place, Nepeta found herself able to access her Sylladex. Fighting every inch of the way, she could feel sweat droplets drop from her forehead. Her tablet ejected and flew a few feet to land in front of her. The last part was the hardest. As she strained herself to speak, she could feel Vriska’s psychic control fight every inch of her body, driving stakes of pain directly into her nervous system. A torrent of olive blood began to drip from her nose, and she did not desperately need to speak a single word at that moment, her would have been yowling in pain. 

Instead, with her last burst of willpower and strength, she spoke a single word in the direction of her tablet, which promptly decoded her words into a message send to one Eridan Ampora. 

“now”

When Eridan received the message, he wasted no time fulfilling Nepeta’s request. Though spending the rest of his resources saving Nepeta would tank his ability to cloud Terezi, he supposed that didn’t matter as long as Nepeta lived to see tomorrow. 

Meanwhile, Vriska checked her clouding software to see what she already expected, Dualscar had stepped in to try to save the stupid cat. As she watched her hydra flicker momentarily and slow down to a crawl, she kept smiling. Though it would move slower and be for all intents and purposes weaker, it wouldn’t be enough to save the petulant catgirl. As long as Vriska held her in place long enough, her fate was sealed. 

As the hydra creeped closer, Vriska checked the closest view she could get of Nepeta’s face. 

She loved to see the look on her victims’ faces when they realized that it was all totally hopeless. That was the look that made everything worthwhile. 

As the hydra stepped closer, Vriska unfroze Nepeta’s face to get the look of sheer terror possible. But Nepeta didn’t give any expression at all. Her final act of defiance would be to deny Vriska as much satisfaction as possible. As the hyrda reared its heads to strike, a flash of green streaked across the screen, blocking the view of Nepeta momentarily. 

When the green streak dashed by a second time, Nepeta was totally gone. Vriska checked all the trackers afforded to her as a clouder, but none could track whatever was moving Nepeta away from danger. As Nepeta crossed the threshold of the game, Vriska’s FLAPSTRACTIONS retreated to the game grub, the session nullified. 

A single word escaped Vriska’s mouth.  


“Fussyfangs........always meddling.”

Meanwhile, Kanaya Maryam was carrying the dead weight of Nepeta Leijon, who was still mostly disabled from Vriska’s psychic control. Nepeta tried to form words of thanks, but nothing came from her dry, bloodied mouth. 

As she ran, Kanaya allowed a single shoosh to pass her lips, followed by words of reassurance. 

“You Will Not Die 

Not Today”


	2. Chapter 2

When she startled awake, the first thing she expected was a return to the exquisite pain that Vriska had so kindly visited upon her, or at the very least some soreness. But she felt no pain and minimal discomfort, probably because Vriska’s talent depended on the delivery of psychic pain, which leaves no lasting damage.

No lasting physical damage at least. 

As she sat up, Nepeta realized she had no idea where she was. The surroundings were entirely unfamiliar, but investigation revealed that she had been placed in a troll’s hive, though one who had a strange obsession with color, every surface was covered in brightly patterned fabrics, carpets, and pillows. Though Nepeta herself was used to living in the rather Spartan quarters she called her hive, hewn from an old cave she had found as a younger troll, she had to admit that this hive had its high points, particularly the comfort with which she found herself able to lounge about.

But has she walked to the far side of the room, her eyes began to ache, and she realized that something was very wrong. Streaming in from an uncovered window was a ray from the deadly Alternian sun, which Nepeta knew could scorch her to a crisp and blind her for the rest of her days. But the region around her cave was experiencing the dim season right now, she knew that for sure. The sunlight should not have been that bright, not unless she had somehow traveled to the far side of Alternia, or she had been out for entire pedigrees.

As she went for the door, she heard the light steps of a troll ascending a set of stairs, drawing closer to the room she had found herself in. Before she could hide, the door opened, and there standing before her was a troll in a long green dress, patterned with a series of bright floral patterns. As she crossed through the threshold into the room, she spoke up, her voice both soothing and reassuring.

“Hello Nepeta

I Trust You Are Recovering Well”

As she spoke, Nepeta recognized the voice. It was the voice of her savior. And now that she could put a face to the voice, she was sure that before her stood Kanaya Maryam, the jade blood. Now everything made quite a bit more sense. Kanaya lived on the far side of Alternia, and could somehow withstand the harsh rays of the sun, a trait that Nepeta had found herself jealous of a number of times before. Though her throat was dry, Nepeta still spoke up.

“im better yes, but i dont understand why youd bring me here”

“Well Since The Only Way To Banish The Flarp Constructs Was To Move Far Enough Away From Your Hive

It Is Fairly Obvious That Your Hive Was Out Of The Question

Additionally I Have Found That Vriska Has Difficulty With Distance

Enough That If You Stay Here Until She Tires Of You

You Should Be Safe

Or At Least As One Can Be When Dealing With Vriska”

Kanaya’s words echoed through her spacious hive, and Nepeta took a minute to process what Kanaya had said. 

“wait so you ran all the way to my hive and back? 

how is that even pawsible?”

“To Be Fair Eridan Warned Me What Was Going On Earlier That Day

Though His Motivations Were Less Than Noble

Something About Equius Killing Him Slowly And Painfully

You Yourself Are A Prime Physical Specimen But I Have Found That In Times Of Need

I Can Be Counted On To Be Quite Fast And Quite Strong

Stronger Even Than Many Trolls Higher Than Me On the Hemospectrum

But Right Now Im Just Glad Youre Okay”

With that last sentence, Kanaya rested a hand on Nepeta’s shoulder and Nepeta found herself sitting on one of the many pillows the covered the room.

“yeah me too

say i dont mean to be rude but why me?

one minute i was doomed and the next you were just there for me”

Kanaya blushed very slightly, her cheeks suddenly tinged with her jade blood. 

“I Must Admit My Rescue Of You May Have Been Less Than

Totally Altruistic”

Nepeta felt Kanaya’s muscular arms around her waist, and then she felt a slight warmth on her neck, which was followed by the softness of Kanaya’s lips on her neck.

“kanaya what is going on??”

Then Kanaya whispered something into Nepeta’s ear. 

“If I Have Been Unclear I Apologize

Perhaps This Will Make It Easier To Understand

I Am A Troll Who Is Notoriously Preoccupied With Fashion

And Kissing Is Terribly Fashionable”

With that, Kanaya’s lips moved up to meet Nepeta’s, and pressed against hers with a passion that totally surprised her. Kanaya’s deft hands fluttered up Nepeta’s side and lightly touched against her leg. When Kanaya gazed into Nepeta’s eyes, however, she saw a seriousness that totally surprised her. 

“ is it pawsible that you intend to k33p me prisoner here”

Kanaya pushed back, totally aghast.

“Oh Of Course Not 

I Did Not Intend My Enthusiasm To Be Misunderstood As A Demand

You Are Free To Leave 

I Am Terribly Sorry If I Have Offended”

Lost in her embarrassment, Kanaya barely noticed Nepeta’s strong arms, drawing her back into an embrace. It was a slight bite on her neck that brought her crashing into reality. 

“that is far too bad 

i was hoping purrhaps you could hold me against my will

Nepeta’s grip strengthened, her muscles visibly taught. The sight utterly entranced Kanaya, who very nearly found herself speechless.

“I Suppose I Could Arrange Something 

You Are My Guest Of Course”

Kanaya found herself retaliating, running her hands across Nepeta’s muscular outer thigh and ending underneath her shirt, feeling Nepeta’s extremely well defined back. Nepeta’s musical laugh broke the silence between them, but it was quickly cut off by Kanaya’s lips, which were pressing themselves against Nepeta’s again. 

Between moans of pleasure and the rustling of the two among the scattered fabric, Kanaya’s hive was terribly silent that week, but neither of the two were complaining. 

Kanaya was an excellent host.


	3. Chapter 3

As the Alternian moons crept into the night sky, tinting the landscape pink and green, Vriska Serket rose to attend to her work. The end to her brief Kismesissitude with Nepeta Leijon had left a sour taste in her mouth, especially since the relationship went totally unconsummated and left her rival alive. 

But no matter, though Vriska hated to admit it, she was not always victorious, despite her best efforts. Every failure only propelled her to further heights, forcing her to demand more of herself. Tonight, the first object of her interest was one Kanaya Maryam, who had done the unconscionable and meddled in her plans to finish of a particularly annoying house cat. 

 

\-- arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA] \--

AG: Hey there fussyfangs.  
AG: I don’t suppose you know why I’ve graced you with my attention????????   
GA: It Wouldnt Have Anything To Do With My Meddling Last Week Would It   
AG: Of course it does!!!!!!!!  
AG: I don’t remem8er asking for an auspistice Kanaya.  
AG: Nepeta and I were getting along fine.   
GA: I Will Have You Know That I Was Acting Under The Understanding That You Intended To Kill Her   
AG: And so what if I did? What I do with my victims or romantic prospects is my 8usiness either way!!!!!!!!   
GA: Well I Suppose Then That In This Particular Case My Own Romantic Interests Superseded My Need To Preserve Yours   
AG: No! A8solutely not! I will not have you pursuing that stupid catgirl!!!!!!!!   
GA: I Do Not Remember Inviting Your Opinion And If You Wish To Register Further Complaints You May Do So In Person  
GA: Look Outside

Vriska slowly turned her head, careful not to let on that she was genuinely interested in Kanaya’s appearance. As she gazed through the window of her hive at the craggy jagged landscape below, she recognized a tall, elegant figure, perched on top of a nearby boulder. There was no doubting that Kanaya had arrived. 

With a single leap, Kanaya arrived at Vriska’s window, and the two trolls were face to face, separated only by one of the fenestrations that dotted Vriska’s hive. Vriska extended a hand through one of the holes in the fenestration, which Kanaya promptly kissed without a hint of irony. After Vriska swung open the window, Kanaya carefully made her way into the hive, moving with a poise that made Vriska shiver. 

A single tut escaped Kanaya’s lips, which Vriska naturally picked up on.   
“I suppose you don’t approve of my room?”

As Kanaya made her way through a sea of broken 8-balls, Flarp manuals, and ancient machinery, she composed her response.

“If I Was Going To Convey My Disapproval I Would Still Hold My Tongue

Youve Made It Clear You Dont Approve Of My Meddling”

A scowl crossed Vriska’s face. Losing control of a situation infuriated her, and being talked down to was unquestionably unacceptable. Regaining her composure, Vriska led Kanaya to the top of the tower that capped Vriska’s castle. There with a perfect view of the landscape was a set of chairs, both facing the fenestration. 

Wordlessly, Kanaya walked to the farther chair and sat down, crossing her legs. Vriska followed Kanaya, but sat down on the arm of Kanaya’s chair, with her legs dangling above the floor. Ever conscious of her every move, Vriska carefully brushed her leg against Kanaya’s left leg, which had crossed over the right. 

Disappointed at Kanaya’s refusal to respond, Vriska moved her thin spindly hand to lightly rest on Kanaya’s thigh, where it played with the soft fabric that made up Kanaya’s red skirt. That finally elicited a response.

“Ms Serket Are You Attempting To Seduce Me”

Vriska weighed her options carefully and responded. 

“That of course depends Ms. Maryam.”

“On What”

“Is it working?”

Kanaya moved her hand to brush Vriska’s away. 

“No 

I Have Made It Clear To You That My Allegiance In That Quadrant Lies With Nepeta”

Vriska didn’t even try to hide her indignation.

“What!!!!!!!!

Are you serious Kanaya? I know you’ve 8een crushing on me for at least a sweep now!

How can you 8ear sitting there knowing I want you?”

Kanaya laughed. It was a clear, soft laugh, like the sound that a light breeze makes on a set of windchimes. It drove Vriska only deeper into her rage. 

“Unlike Yourself Some Of Us Possess A Modicum Of Restraint

And Perhaps More Importantly 

My Time With Nepeta Has Revealed To Me How Little I Pity You

You Are A Petulant Child Who Wants Only What She Cannot Have 

Cheats To Get What She Cannot Win

And Throws Fits Of Jealousy At The Drop Of A Hat”

The scowl on Vriska’s face had totally consumed her now, transforming her usually beautiful face into an angry mask. 

“How dare you!!!!!!!!!”

It was at this point that the controller lost control. She leapt off of the chair and wound up for a punch, but as she swung towards Kanaya, she saw a coldness in her face that made her shiver. Kanaya brought her own arm upwards and knocked Vriska’s arm up, effortlessly deflecting the blow. Vriska jumped backwards, and Kanaya slip off the chair and stood up, still remaining poised. Kanaya then cleared her throat and delivered a retort. 

“I Dare Because Few Others Would

It Is Clear That Somebody Needs To Keep You In Check

Because You Are Dangerous Vriska 

And Not In The Sexy Way

No Ms Serket You Need To Be Kept On A Leash Like A Rabid Barkbeast   
And Before You Get Any Ideas 

This Is Not A Pale Flirtation 

This Is An Ultimatum 

You Will Stop Or I Will Make You

Is That Clear”

Vriska gritted her teeth. She had never attempted to take Kanaya one-on-one, and she was entirely unsure what would happen. Kanaya was lower on the hemospectrum, and had never Flarped a day in her life, but was sure that her thin frame concealed something sinister. How else could she survive the deadly rays of the sun, or build a hive in the desert, where the sinister broods of the undead hunted? 

In any case, what Kanaya was demanding was vague. Vriska loved vagueness, vagueness was like the twilight between words, the place from which a spider could so easily strike. She relaxed her stance and began the negotiating. 

"I suppose I consider your request, what are the terms?”

Kanaya wasn’t buying the nice spider-girl routine, and didn’t drop her guard.

“It Is Not A Request

You Will Stop Killing And Attempting To Kill Trolls

Regardless Of Bloodcolor Or What You Think They Deserve”

Vriska could feel the anger boiling just under her skin, but kept her voice calm.

“8ut Kanayaaaaaaaa I’m a troll, you know that! 

It is in our 8lood to kill!”

“It Is Of Course One Thing To Kill Out Of Necessity 

Or Justice

Or Even In An Exquisite Fit Of Passion

But Death Is Not A Toy Vriska It Is Not Something That You Can Treat So Flippantly

And You Have Demonstrated A Total Lack Of Restraint Or Understanding On This Issue

So I Have Found It Necessary To Remove Your Fangs”

Vriska lost control again. Her stance tightened and she stamped her foot in defiance. 

“Or what????????

What could you possibly do to me?!?!?!?!

I’m Invincible!!!!!!!!”

In a flash, Kanaya closed the distance between them. Moving faster than Vriska’s eight eyes could track her, Kanaya delivered a series of blows to her joints, first the knees, dropping her to the ground, and then to the inside of her elbows, causing Vriska to curl into a ball, defenceless, consumed by a searing pain that very nearly blotted out everything else.

“I Believe That Answers Your Question

To Reiterate 

If You Kill One More Troll

Or So Much As Touch A Hair On Nepetas Head

I Will Do That Again 

But I Will Actually Attempt To Hurt You

And Then I Just May Kill You

And No Troll Will Blame Me”

Kanaya’s words stung, but not nearly as bad as the injuries, which Vriska figured could put her out of comission for a few days. Concentrating despite the pain for a last instant before she lost consciousness, Vriska attempted to focus in on Kanaya to bend her to her will, but she felt only the iron resistance of Kanaya’s mind, pushing her back. 

The last thing Vriska heard before she passed out was Kanaya’s voice, taunting her one last time. 

“Nice Try”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks go to ffaranitcha on Tumblr for the inspiration for chapter 2, which was supplied via this piece of art she posted.
> 
> http://ffaranitcha.tumblr.com/post/28614502610/omg-this-is-the-most-absolutely-kawaii-thing-i


End file.
